Memorable quotes for The Longest Yard (1974)
Caretaker: Most of these old boys don't have nothing. Never had nothing to start with. But you, You had it all. Then you let your teammates down, got yourself caught with your hand in the cookie jar.
Paul Crewe: Oh I did, did I?
Caretaker: Oh I ain't saying you did or you didn't. All I'm saying is that you could have robbed banks, sold dope or stole your grandmother's pension checks and none of us would have minded. But shaving points off of a football game, man that's un-American.
Caretaker: You mind if I ask you one question?
Paul Crewe: Yes, I do mind!
Caretaker: Why did you do it?
Paul Crewe: It's a long story.
Caretaker: Well, I got eight years.
Pop: For me it was.
Paul Crewe: Then give me my damn shoe!
Caretaker: Indian.
Paul Crewe: That makes sense.
Caretaker: Now don't go making any ethnic jokes.
[They meet the Indian]
Paul Crewe: Paul Crewe. Heard you played some football.
The Indian: Yeah.
Paul Crewe: Where?
The Indian: Oklahoma State.
Paul Crewe: Oklahoma State U?
The Indian: Prison.
Paul Crewe: Well, first thing we have to do is get you out of here.
The Indian: How?
[Paul looks back at Caretaker]
Paul Crewe: Well, we'll work on it.
Paul Crewe: Couldn't find a car wash.
Paul Crewe: [to the warden] Stick this in your trophy case.
[he walks into the stadium tunnel]
Trainer: I knew you could do it!
Nate Scarboro: Well maybe so, but you spend fourteen years in this tank, and you begin to understand that you've only got two things left they can't sweat out of you or beat out of you - your balls - and you better hang onto them because they're about the only thing you're gonna have when you get out of here.
Caretaker: Nobody's ever had the guts to ask him.
Warden Hazen: What's that, Mr. Crewe?
Paul Crewe: That you're not out here with us knockin' heads.
Warden Hazen: I'm afraid I'm a little old for that.
Paul Crewe: No, you never had the guts to begin with!
Crewe: Not today, boss!
Paul Crewe: [Drunkenly as a short policeman comes to arrest him] Look what we have here - a miniature cop!
Caretaker: Well, there he is. Connie Shokner, baddest cat in the joint. Even the guards are scared of him. He killed three people on the outside and two since he's been in here.
Crewe: Yeah, that karate's some bad stuff.
Caretaker: Oh, that was before he learned karate.
Crewe: Say, what's he doing now?
Caretaker: Nobody's ever had the guts to ask him.
Announcer: I think he broke his fuckin' neck!
Team doctor: One side, one side.
[Examines injured player]
Team doctor: Get the ambulance! I think he broke his fuckin' neck.
Samson: See! I told you I broke his fuckin' neck!
Paul Crewe: That team against the pros?
Warden Hazen: Yeah.
Paul Crewe: Well, you'd have a real problem.
Warden Hazen: Well, how do you think we'd do against the cons?
Caretaker: I can get you steroids, vitamins, greenies, anything you want. You name it. I'm the best hustler in the joint.
Paul Crewe: How much of what this guy says he can do, can he do?
Nate Scarboro: He can get you laid in here... with a woman.
Paul Crewe: We're gettin' up a football game against the guards. Wondered if maybe you and some of your buddies here would like to join in on the fun.
Samson: With the guards?
Paul Crewe: Uh huh.
Samson: Sure, I'd like that.
Nate Scarboro: Well, maybe so. But you spend fourteen years in this tank, you begin to understand that you've only got two thing left they can't sweat out of you or beat out of you. Your balls. And you better hang onto them, because they're about the only thing you're gonna have when you get out of here.
Granville: Alright men, now here's the play we're gonna use. I don't think the guards know this formation. It's called 'incidental punishment after the ball is blown dead.' Remember, any man you tackle gets an elbow, knee, or kick in the mouth.
Paul Crewe: That was a dropkick.
Bogdanski: Dropkick?
Paul Crewe: Dropkick.
Bogdanski: How much is that worth?
Paul Crewe: Three points.
Bogdanski: Three points?
Paul Crewe: Three points.
Bogdanski: For that? Bullshit!
Paul Crewe: You know what my problem has been all my life? I've always had my shit together. Always. My problem's been I couldn't lift it.
Melissa: How long do we have to keep watching this crap?... Only a moron can sit and watch two football games, one after the other.
Warden Hazen: Captain, not only will you have the chance to hone our team to a fine edge, you'll also have the opportunity to learn a great deal about life. Why is it, do you suppose, that I can walk through this yard, surrounded by hate, and in total command?
Captain Knauer: Because you've got 15 gun turrets all around you that say you can.
Black Inmate 1: [about Crewe] This Honky golden boy sold out his teammates, didn't he!
Black Inmate 2: He sure as hell did!
Black Inmate 1: He did it once, he'll do it again!
Black Inmate 2: [All the Black Inmates Respond in unison with Black Power Fist] RIGHT ON!
Mawabe: [after Black Inmates join team] Well Mr. Crewe, Were in business, Compliments from the greater Chicago Youth Authority.
Granville: There goes the neighborhood!
[All the inmates laugh]
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