Summer has arrived in Sacramento. This means it quit raining and got hotter than hell the day after it quit raining, but with the lovely addition - given that its been a weird Spring that was cooler and wetter than normal - of humidity.
They were carrying dogs out of the Doggy Dash 2010 festival area on stretchers, according to The Blonde. I didn't actually see this... anyway, the short and sweet version of my Race Report is that I ran 5K magnificently for the first 100 yards or so, and then I jogged the rest of it because it was hot, humid (the race didn't start until 9, they should start at 7 this time of year, it would have been 15 degrees cooler) and no one seems to know how to properly run with their dog - particularly those morons that insist on using retractable leashes, which are incredibly dangerous for everyone when you've got a few thousand runners and dogs all moshed together. Whoever thought up the idea of retractable leashes should be found, and then have 6 or 7 of those things wrapped around their neck and then the RETRACT button(s) punched... HARD.
Its actually a great event and the Sacramento SPCA does a great job of putting it on and having all sorts of cool events to watch... you get to see a police dog eat a "perp" (oh, that's fun, its like watching Cops live), the usual plethora of frisbee catching canines, and the Pug Races, and there's all sorts of booths selling food, pet crap, begging you to adopt a pooch (if I had a place to keep a large dog, Tilly, a gorgeous black 4 year lab mix would have come home with me), pet psychics (Mr. Dog apparently is really messed up - he doesn't like being a dog and doesn't identify with other dogs (the two psychics, who were completely across the park from each other and did not appear to be in cell contact with each other agreed on this - but the psychics also told me to apply for the Vancouver job.... hmmm. And I am probably going to apply).
I'm not sure I needed a psychic to tell me that Mr. Dog is weird, because he is, but he does "not like to be jogged." Which does give me an excuse to go get Tilly, or perhaps a Jack Russell terrier mix... hide your shoes and be prepared to deal with a dog that doesn't run but rather teleports between points on the spacetime continuum. BTW, I thought of a couple of great names for a Jack Russell ... either "Rat" or "Crackhead". I also want to name a dog "Dude" but Jack Russells are too goddamned hyper for the simple name "Dude."
I'm not sure I needed a psychic to tell me that Mr. Dog is weird, because he is, but he does "not like to be jogged." Which does give me an excuse to go get Tilly, or perhaps a Jack Russell terrier mix... hide your shoes and be prepared to deal with a dog that doesn't run but rather teleports between points on the spacetime continuum. BTW, I thought of a couple of great names for a Jack Russell ... either "Rat" or "Crackhead". I also want to name a dog "Dude" but Jack Russells are too goddamned hyper for the simple name "Dude."
And speaking of Dude, the announcer (one criticism - the speakers at the Dash this year on the PA WERE TOO FUCKING LOUD) for the race/event is the Dynamic Radio Voice Guy that also has done Rivercats baseball games - he was telling us at the start - where I'd hurriedly running back'ed my way to the front so I wouldn't get tripped by the dogs - to yell our names... people were yelling their names, he was about 10' from me and when it died down I said "Dude!" and he said "there's this guy here that says his name is Dude." Now, perhaps I should have instead said "Kinnick" since I was wearing my Nike Kinnick (Iowa's football stadium is named Kinnick after the 1939 Heisman Trophy Winner Nile Kinnick), but I thought Dude was more smart-ass. There were no timing chips or even a clock - I had my Garmin (which brings me to the point WTF did we need race #ers then, if you're not going to time it all.. guess they needed you to pay $25 for a t-shirt and sign the "SSPCA is not responsible if you die during this event").
So, the TV cameras were on (they even had a CRANE, sportsfans) and I got all intense with my finger poised on the Garmin in the front row, they did a countdown, and I sprinted away from the start line like I was a Biggest Loser contestant being chased by Jillian with a taser ("I'll bet you can run a block, bitch, if I chase you with this taser!" - yes, I would pay real money to see that. Wait, I'd pay Jillian to chase me with a taser, and I'd even let her tase me. She's hot. Sometimes, love hurts).
I knew there was no way I could hold a sub 5:00 run pace for very long, but that's not the point. Its to look marvelous, which I did, and I led the race for the first 100 yards or so (I had a hell of a lead, actually, it took another 100 for the first runners to catch me. This means that I'm in good enough shape that there's no way a certain Captain could catch me either...) and I eased up just past the camera crane and pulled over to the left side so the faster runners could pass. I hate being caught up in the pack at any race, especially these kind of races where I enter because even though I know there are far fitter people (and their dogs) who are going to have me eating their dust, there are far more *not* so fit people (and their dogs) that are going to be watching my taut metrosexual butt taunt them for the entire race as they vainly try to shake off decades of Doritos in a futile effort to catch up.
The heat was pretty hard on everyone today, I had a few folks pass me that later were walking. But I'm going to quit even trying to make sense of how to race, and I was so tired this morning - I had a hard week at work - that after the first 1/2 mile, feeling how hot it was, and how incredibly congested it was with dogs this year (there were very few solo runners this year compared to when I ran this race in 2008), I said "Screw this, I'm jogging" and that's what I did, and I still beat my run time from Parkway - that is, until the last 1/2 mile when I was weaving through a crowd of dog walkers (brilliantly, the 2K dog walk loop is shared with the run loop at the end) already half-dead from the humidity, and it was impossible to run fast, and I didn't have the way cleared OJ Bronco-like for me...
But I'll digress for a second about retractable leashes and people who don't know how to run with their dog (and chances are they haven't actually jogged the poor dog that much before the race - 5K is a hell of a long distance for a dog to run if its not used to it)... I about got taken down by a 60# mixed breed whose owner let it run BETWEEN my legs where the dog did a FULL STOP to relieve itself. I glared at the dude. I also did not see that dude or the dog after that.
I also want to say - PARENTS - its awesome that your child, who is somewhere between 8-12 years of age, is running with the family hound that weighs more than they do. However, your child is not strong enough or heavy enough to control a completely untrained Bowser and said Bowser is also a tripping hazard for solo runners or other runners that know what they're doing (or not) with their dog.
I am going to suggest that next year SSPCA ask - strongly - that people running with their dog not have retractable leashes. I've also been nearly taken out on the bike trail by those damn things.
But I'll digress for a second about retractable leashes and people who don't know how to run with their dog (and chances are they haven't actually jogged the poor dog that much before the race - 5K is a hell of a long distance for a dog to run if its not used to it)... I about got taken down by a 60# mixed breed whose owner let it run BETWEEN my legs where the dog did a FULL STOP to relieve itself. I glared at the dude. I also did not see that dude or the dog after that.
I also want to say - PARENTS - its awesome that your child, who is somewhere between 8-12 years of age, is running with the family hound that weighs more than they do. However, your child is not strong enough or heavy enough to control a completely untrained Bowser and said Bowser is also a tripping hazard for solo runners or other runners that know what they're doing (or not) with their dog.
I am going to suggest that next year SSPCA ask - strongly - that people running with their dog not have retractable leashes. I've also been nearly taken out on the bike trail by those damn things.
Anyway, back to being stuck in the pack the last 1/2 mile - after the earlier near tripping incident, this kind of irritated me - although hell, its a really a dog walk/run race and I shouldn't care, and since the course weaves by the golf course in Land Park, where the announcer told us a few times that "don't take your dog on the golf course or its a $300 fine" - I just couldn't resist being a bit of a jerk and vented my irritation with the General Dumbassedness of Humanity by razzing a couple of 50# overweight golfers - guys probably in their early 30s (speaking of early 30s, I had someone tell me that I looked 32 today :) ) who were putting on the green (and tying this all back together with Jillian) "Hey guys, I don't think Jillian would approve of Budweiser and a golf cart as an acceptable form of exercise!"
I mean, we are trying to stop global warming, some of the electricity that charges up those carts come from fossil fuels, along with the gasoline used to maintain the course... golfers are KILLING OUR PLANET.
(I say this tongue in cheek, the golf course would probably be full of built up condos with no place for the squirrels and birds to live if it weren't a golf course...) Golf is a fun game, especially if you are a bad golfer (like me) and don't take it seriously while you are out there, and even better, if you're not playing, you can ridicule people who REALLY miss their shots and bounce their golf ball at least 50 yards off of the green right in front of you (this happened while I was walking back to my car).
"NICE SHOT!" ;)
"NICE SHOT!" ;)
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