Since I no longer have a Beginner Triathlete account - apparently, once you decide to leave the website, the owners will not let you back on if you decide you want to come back (never mind that I paid at least a couple of hundred bucks to be a member in the 2+ years I was on there)... although all I really wanted to come back for was the forums, and its blogging function, which is awesome. But apparently I did stuff - um, I guess its called being a Free Thinker - that annoyed the website's owners, so I guess once you leave, you really do get shoved out the airlock, because when I attempted to re-establish an account a few months back, I got quickly banned - even though I never did anything that violated the TOS, as far as I can tell.
Free Thinking along the lines of "well, you know, I'm really not a good athlete, I don't have oodles of athletic ability, and why should I bust my ass training when I'm never going to win or even place respectably in any race that I'm paying (insert dollar amount here, but even most run races now are at least $25 for the t-shirt, and triathlons are $40 on up) to participate in... shouldn't this be fun rather than some bizarre online competitive contest?"
Now, to be somewhat honest, most people on BT were not like that but after a while one gets tired of the same personalities, the same arguments, and the same running around in rhetorical circles while trying to find motivation to exercise period. I'm almost 50 years old, I was always picked last for every sport in school (or not picked at all), and, compared to most people in my AG that I see walking around in the world, I'm in far better than everyone BUT the hardcore (insert sport - runners, cyclists, triathletes) who were either stars on the athletic teams in high school and college and that we were put in assemblies at the politically correct equivalent of gunpoint and expected to say "Yay, rah-rah, go TEAM!" when these are the same people that shoved the chess club members into the lockers during passing period.
In other words, I look pretty decent but I suck at sports. I will *never* be good at sports no matter how much I practice, or train... so, aside from being terrified of open heart surgery, angioplasty, and becoming dependent on the meds the pharma companies in this country invent to create dependency rather than learning good exercise and eating habits, how do you stay motivated to exercise and not turn into a blob of lard?
The same thing sort of applies to music (although I have more talent at that). I'll never be an A-list musician but if I practice my ass off I could be a fairly decent B lister. This means if I went to church - which I don't do (and I don't plan on starting to just to play), I could be in a decent orchestra in a larger church every Sunday if I wanted to give up sleep.
I'm just having difficulties finding motivation to enjoy much of anything right now. I don't have anything to complain about, but I'm fighting that vague sense of dissatisfaction with nearly everything that is always eating away at the edge of my thoughts; its been a part of my personality for so long I just put up with it.
Anyway, I just don't feel like exercising hard anymore.
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